Telling people that I’m a writer is always a roll of the dice. There are usually more than a few curious glances or WTF expressions on people’s faces. Sometimes a few snarky comments like, “How many hours a day do you spend at Starbucks?” or “Oh, so you haven’t had sex in years, huh?”  However, most people simply looked bored by the idea of it.  I recently came to the conclusion that writers need to sell their occupations better, starting now.

Whenever I see writers portrayed on television or in movies, they look, at best, plain. Occasionally, mildly amusing or affable, and every once in awhile “quirky” (which, to me, is just a nicer way of saying “weird”). Mainly, the term “ish” comes to mind when I see these male and female wordsmiths; as in cute-ish, smart-ish, funny-ish. None of these depictions ever make me think, “Holy shit! I can’t wait to open up Microsoft Word and get cracking. Robert Pattinson, what? Lady GaGa, who?”

Instead, I sit on the couch thinking I’m going to die alone and with a bottle of vodka in my hand.

Maybe looking disheveled, having a big belly and bed-head were adequate enough representations to movie and televisions studios up till now, but come on, screenwriters! You need to help an author out. Give us a better image. Rebrand us. The other creative types–actors, singers, dancers–are pretty much the superheroes of the entertainment industry, while writers sit at home staring at their computer screens. The bar has been set pretty low by my fellow writers. Can at least one of us get caught in a lesbian affair with Lindsay? Could someone please throw an all-night house party that is caught on camera by TMZ? I’m not asking for a lot. Just an occupational makeover.

The gauntlet has been thrown. From now on, I want to see writers portrayed in books, film, and television as sexy men and women. I want to see the non-nerdy writer having a three-way with Chuck and Blair on Gossip Girl. I want to hear Charlie Kaufmann’s name screamed by fans at movie premieres. I want to see posters and calendars for the men and women of literature on sale at the Hustler store. I don’t know. Anything but the painfully dull way we’re viewed at present.

I, for one, will be holding true to this promise.

Oh, and welcome to my new blog. Let’s have some fun. See you on TMZ.