I’m beginning to understand why, despite having an espresso machine at home, I continue to go to my local Starbucks.  I used to subscribe to the idea that my reason for going was to interact with people since writing all day can be a very solitary existence, but I’ve recently discovered that I don’t actually talk to anyone except for placing my order.

Imagine that.

So why do I go?  It’s not like their espresso is better than what I have at home.  Then this morning it finally dawned on me, standing in line waiting to order is completely egalitarian. No special treatments, no VIP lines, nothing.  Everyone has to wait behind the person who orders a grande sugar-free, non-fat, vanilla soy, double shot, no foam cappuccino no matter who they are.  As I stood there this morning I realized that Starbucks is a study in human behavior and quite often, bad behavior.

There is one kind of customer in particular that I feel needs to be banned from Starbucks or any other place, for that matter, that requires them to stand in line and make a purchase.  I like to call them “Shock and Awes.”

These are customers that after they place their order and the cashier tells the “shock and awes” their total, they look utterly surprised.  What?  I have to pay for this? It’s not free? Oh, okay. Let me see if I have any money to give to you. They spend the next few minutes either digging through their purse for their credit card or fidgeting with their wallet trying to find cash. These people make me want to stab myself.  Repeatedly. I never understood why when people are standing in line to purchase something that they don’t have either their credit card, cash, or gift card in their hand ready to pay. The formula for purchasing goods has not changed in the last fifty years. You go to a business, you ask for the product, you pay for it.

So whether YOU’RE the guy mindlessly typing away on his Blackberry while the line has moved exponentially, or the woman who complains that her latte is not at the temperature she asked for… look behind you! I just might be standing there noticing and you might just end up in my next book.